Work sucks....

That is kind of an understatement...

Work is pure HELL!!!

I think I would prefer stabbing out my eyes with a blunt knife or a spoon as opposed to going to work each day. It wouldn't be so bad if the people I worked with weren't complete fuck bags, with the exception of a couple of people (you know who you are :) ).

With that I will now make a list of the best ways to have a successful business:

ALWAYS ALWAYS show up to work drunk or hung over it just makes the work atmosphere so much better when you are standing around trying not to fall over and bitching people out that happen to get to close to you. This will also give you an excuse to stand around and do nothing all day and still get paid for it.

In the retail business it is also acceptable to never order what you need and over order what you don't need. I mean when you put something on sale there is no need to order more than you usually do you should actually order less, that way when people come in expecting to buy this product you can just tell them you are out of it and not have to actually do any work. This is a fine example of how all business have got ahead in the game. And if you aren't selling something to began with order a shit ton more cause then logically you start selling it and not end up throwing it away and causing your waste to go through the roof.

It is also acceptable to leave everything that needs to be done for the third shift coworker. It only makes sense they are the only one there and can't move too far from the register so why not let them fill the cooler where they can't monitor the store or keep up with who gets gas. This should actually be a treat for them cause then people can come in and steal stuff and they don't have to worry about dealing with customers. While you are not doing your duties and leaving them for third shift why not go ahead and take a smoke break every hour you deserve it but make sure that you bitch about everyone else taking their breaks at their approved times because god forbid they get a break when you get one every hour.

If you happen to lift a finger to do something (god forbid) and you make a mess NEVER EVER attempt to clean it up this should be ignored and left for someone else to deal with. It will thrill them when they stumble upon it and have something to do. Also, if you use the last of something do not attempt to fill it the next person will get it.

If a product happens to get to popular it should be discontinued immediately! If people know you have something they actually like they might start shopping there and that would take away from your smoke breaks and your much needed recovery from the couple of thirty packs you consumed four hours prior to coming to work. This would not be a good thing retail is not about making money for the company it is about standing around, dicking off, and getting paid for it.

Should the dreaded day arrive that you actually have to do a shift duty you should never attempt to do it right or completely this would take away from the fun of the next person fixing it or finishing it. You aren't getting paid to actually finish a task you are getting paid to not do it or half ass do it then write your name down stating that you did finish it.

If your business sells food you should always make the food that is the least popular and has the highest hold time that way people will not buy it and your food display looks full. Don't worry if the hold time is up the food should be good for another 5 hours it's not like anyone was going to buy it to begin with.

If you do happen to hire someone else to stand around and keep the other coworkers company make sure that they have at least one of these qualities: are on food stamps, are a drunk, or already have family members working there. If they have all three that would be ideal this should help insure that they are lazy, unmotivated, and will be unproductive.

This concludes my list.
I would like to thank Kwik Trip, INC. for teaching me the fundamentals to running a successful business. Keep up the good work you should go out of business anytime now!